To Whoever It May Concern,
Dear (add Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mdm) whats-your-name
Lately, I have been experiencing some problems with my nose. It has been insisiting on going to 'Never Never Ever Land', and keeps trying to run off my face. I know this, because I always hold it back with a loud sniff and I interrogated it by not allowing it to breathe until it told me where it was running to.
Now, I know that you told it this, because it said so, and no nose, other than Pinocchio's nose, will lie. Therefore, I sincerely request you to come visit it again, while I am sleeping, just like the last time (again, I know this from my nose), and tell it terrible stories of Never Never Ever Land. A few examples would be how it has no tissue paper there, or the air there is so terribly clean that a few parts of it will come in completely useless. And how noses there discriminate against other noses for being washed daily.
In all truth, these stories are most likely not true. For the better good of my nose, however, please tell it these 'fables', if you will. If the only reason why you're telling it to visit you is to help the Tourism Board over there (I completely understand; Never Never Ever Land is not such a terrible catchy name for an up and coming land. We shall tackle this issue later) I will gladly donate a few tissues and perhaps some facial cream in return for your help in dissuading it to come. I believe this will more than make up its absense from that land. If all you would like to do is to show it how wonderful Never Never Ever Land is, please know that a few photographs will go a long way. Perhaps a 3G phone call while I am sleeping, so it will not pester to see that land 'live'. My nose has an extremely odd taste.
Regarding the name of Never Never Ever Land and its failing tourism industry: I suggest a change of name, such as Forever and Always hahanonotreally Land. This will make it a little more subtle, and people might overlook the fine print and come over. On the other hand, you could, like Australia, join Asia. This would result in cheaper fares for Asians, and more would want to see what your land looks like. This will not only enhance tourism business, you will never ever have to go around luring noses in anymore.
I hope this letter will not go unnoticed, or tossed to the side and ignored. Hopefully this will be of help to your tourism business, and you'd better come fix this problem with my nose once and for all. Once it stops trying to run away, tissue and facial wash will be sent your way. Although promises from humans can't be trusted, I would like to submit this promise to you and hope that you suscribe to it.
Yours Sincerely,
(Signature)
Cheeseberry.
9:47 PM